Thursday, January 12, 2006

Please shine down on me

Why am I still awake? I am still awake because I got out of bed late and therefore have thrown my sleep-wake balance all off kilter. I got out of bed late because OH. MY. GOODNESS. THERE IS NO SUN IN THE ENTIRE LOWER MAINLAND.

And how can anyone be expected to get up when there is no sunshine and there has been no sunshine for 24 consecutive days? I have decided there are a lot of things that I cannot be expected to do when I have not been graced by the warm rays of Mr. Sun for such a stretch. These include: getting out of bed on time, going to working on time, going to work at all, and passing up an opportunity to rag on BC.

And I realize that this may not seem like something worthy of sharing with the whole wide internet, but there is a reason for this weather-centred post. Through this long, long, rain-a-thon I have made a discovery: British Columbians are crazy. And they are liars.

Before I moved here I asked every British Columbia I knew one question. Does it really rain as much as everybody says it does? The answer was a resounding no. The most you'll get is three or four days of light showers, they said. And even those won't last all day. Basically, it's just a sunshiny time in the Lower Mainland, with a few rain breaks in the winter.

Liars.

Let me set the record straight for any other would-be Vancouver migrants. It rains. Relentlessly. If it isn't raining, then you might be experiencing what is known as 'periods of sun'. You know, like how normal places have periods of cloud? Except that the norm is cloud. Dark, brooding, rain-emitting clouds.

Every time I turn on the news they are talking about the record for consecutive rainy days. And they are not just stating this matter-of-factly like objective journalists should. No, they are excited. They are on the edge of their seats, wondering: will we make it? Will we make it to 29 consecutive days of precipatory downfall? Will this year be the year that Vancouver finally reaches its potential to become the rainiest city in the history of rain? TUNE IN TOMORROW TO FIND OUT.

I have never been in a place so obsessed with its precipitation.

So the moral of the story is, Vancouver is rainy. Vancouverites are in love with their rain. And they will lie to you about it. And don't you try to take that away from them.

~ these little mangoes are asking you to please shine down so we can play with you