Placatory "Drawring"

Contrary to popular belief and interweb chatter, I did not forget to make or post a drawring. What I did forget is that since the Great Computer Crash of 2007,*^ I lost all my programs with which to create a drawring. So my attempts to make a celebratory digital masterpiece were in vain. Instead, here's a lino stamp that I made on Friday night. It has nothing to do with the internship, but I know you visual types have been starved for a drawring.

A LINO "DRAWRING"

The Redefinition of Drawring

~g. mango had a drawring, and you had none

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* Did I forget to tell you about that too?

^ Let us take a moment of silence to mourn all of my files. And another moment to wonder at my bad judgment in double-footnoting one piece of information. This is the kind of thing that would make me lose all respect for a writer; as is the fact that this footnote is as long as a standard paragraph. The possible misuse of the semi-colon above doesn't help either. But you can't lose respect for me, because I made you a drawring.

This is why I should get more than two hours sleep

Complimentary Peanut: A Drawring by G. Mango


x = cornrow: Another Drawring by G. Mango


Melvin the friendly dragon: Another other drawring by G. Mango

A drawring, a drawring, my freedom for a drawring!

WORDS

This is me playing football with the teens I work with. You don't want to mess with me on a football field. Because if you do you will probablly break my glasses. And I will take them off and expose my highly attractive glasses tan.

DRAWRINGS

My truculent expression causes you to tremble in fear. Or maybe it just brings all the boys to the yard.


What unsightly tan lines you have!

Now I can't be like Clark Kent and assume a secret identity just by taking off my glasses.

But I might still wear the tights just for fun.

~up in the sky, it's a bird, it's a plane. . . it's. . . it's. . . just some unripe fruit with a weird tan

If the job fits, you must acquit

I drew this drawring at work today. And I think my subconscious is trying to tell me something, but I am still not sure if this piece is a personal reflection or just further proof of my creative genius.

REAL LIFE DRAWRING

~g. mango is living for the weekend

Were you Aware?

• I hate this rain
• I want some snacks
• I need more human contact during the hours of 10 and 5
• I do not not enjoy sending out resumes all day long
• I hate this rain
• I drew this drawring months ago and never posted it:

LONG LOST DRAWRING

On my way to the grocery store

~take a good look at my faaaace, you'll see my smile looks like a piece of licorice

Tip of the Day

When asked by a student for some advice about her loser boyfriend in second block, I penned this drawring.



~g. mango is giver of sage advice and a penner of lovely drawrings

Ponies for everyone!

I got the internship!

Oh, did I not tell you about that? Sorry. Tried to keep this one on the down low in case, as in the past, I told the whole wide internet and ended up with a whole lotta eggs and no chicks in my basket. But I suspect you were still praying and/or sending out positive hippie vibes out into the atmosphere. 'Cause you're cool like that. A pony for you and your household!

And a nap for me and my foot (which is now in the door)!

I might also post a drawring tomorrow. You know, to celebrate. But, then again, I might forget.

~g. mango is printed on recycled paper

Reasons not to date me

• Chances are at whatever time you are reading this, day or night, my underwear is showing.

• I was totally serious about that leg hair thing.
  

• I am allergic to the following:

• raw apples, peaches, pears, plums, apricots, nectarines, cherries, carrots, almonds
• cats (raw or otherwise)
• artificial food colouring
  
• Spring
  
• vacuuming

• I often forget that I am allergic to most of the above until it is too late.

• I have freakishly long appendages, and almost no torso to speak of. If I were a grasshopper, I'd look ridiculous.*
  

• I haven't posted a drawring in ages.

• I am prone to the overuse of parentheses. (See below).

~sgm seeks team of hair removal specialist for LTR, must have own tools

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*As it is, I am a human being (not a highly intelligent mango as I have led you to believe), and I still look ridiculous. But unlike a grasshopper (or a mango), I can create the illusion of having a somewhat normal torso-to-leg-proportionality with cunning use of extra-long rib-knit tanks.** I've given up on trying to disguise my orangutan arms, and have just taken to wearing knuckle guards so I don't get too scraped up.

**And yet my underwear still manages to reveal itself over the top of my pants. This is a mystery to me.

Two Unrelated Drawrings

IF JESUS LIVED IN MY NEIGHBOURHOOD

--

IF I WROTE NELSON'S WEST INDIAN READERS (WITH THE SAME DISREGARD FOR LITERACY AND SENSE THAT J.O. CUTTERIDGE HAD)

(Click to enlarge)

And there you have it! More about how I am spending my summer days and nights later.


~g. mango is a drawring machine!

Travel Update the Third

Well, after much drama with Air Canada (boooooo!) both to and from Antigua, I am finally in the Tdot again (applause).

I invite you to share your stories about bad experiences you've had with Air Canada (booooo!), and link them to this page. I'll link back, and soon the wholewide Interweb will know the truth about Canada's dirty bird in the sky.

I will tell my story later. But first, a representation of the most recent leg of my journey for visual learners.

A DRAWRING

Step 1: Enjoy your vacation in the sun

Step 2: Find out after hours of waiting in the terminal that your plane has mechanical and operational issues and won't be flying today after all.

Step 3 (not shown): Curse Air Canada for stealing another day of your vacation.

Step 4: Arrive in Toronto despite all of Air Canada's attempts to strand you indefinitely.

~g. mango will catch a falling plane and put it in her pocket

Adventures in adventuring

Since we last spoke I've:

• been to Time Square
  
• taken in the tree at Rockefeller Square
• seen a GIANT RAT on the New York subway
  
• lost three pounds
• gained five pounds
• taken up skipping rope three times a week
• taken the longest, most convoluted bus route from Buffalo to Toronto
• gotten to know every side street from Fort Eerie to Mississagua very intimately (see bullet above)
  
• survived being mercilessly attacked by Toronto hail
  
• sustained minor injuries after my front stoop and much of the GTA was transformed into a skating rink
• had all my assests important parts frozen
• given in to wanton consumerism
  

To come:

• sunshine
• warm weather
• beaches
• family time
• tropical fruit
• home cooking
  
• gloating
• boating
• bloating

HOORAH A DRAWRING

mango was a rolling stone

~g. mango sees your smarties and raises you an eyebrow

Alms House

Hey. I got paid for that translation I did so many moons ago. That is so sweet. And my co-translator dude refused his half of the payment. Which means:

• I am rich
• No I am not
• But the G. Mango automotive and exotic vacation fund is much beefier than it was yesterday
• And I am thankful

HERE'S A DRAWRING

Actually my other car is a transformer, robot in disguise

~g. mango is subject to the agreements and regulations which govern her use

We are fam-il-y

Unfortunately, the bicoastal mango masterpiece that my sister S and I did in realtime on MSN a few weeks ago refused to open. It was so loverly, comparing life in Vancouver with life in Toronto. It took us a good hour of whiteboarding to finally finish it. And I cried bitter bronchitis tears into my germed-coverd pillows every night because it wouldn't work.

So my wonderful sister J created a "Hello My Name Is" template for me so I could at least have some sort of mango family collaboration. The only stipulation was that I gave her credit.

So here is your credit, wonderful J, my little sister who dropped from cyberarts heaven. Without you there would be no drawring. And no purpose in my life. I am not worthy of a sister such as you J. How I love you, my favourite sister named J. Oh, gracious and highly talented J, I grovel at your feet.

Wait, no. I was thinking about someone else.

But I can gravel at your feet. But only if you click on the pic for slightly better resolution.




Shout outs to SOF, FS, WG, J__eight!, Spoon, Marzipan Artist, and J!


~ if need be, g.mango is also willing to Gravol® at your feet

Houston, we have a drawring!

As I still am without a winternet connection chez moi, I took it upon myself to rehaul the computers at work. A million hours of defraging and disk clean ups and adding/removing and reformating later, I can actually get (some semblance of) work done. And also, I can create a short recap of my first few weeks in Vancouver, full of beautiful drawrings to appease my fans.

Ahem. . .

A SHORT RECAP FULL OF BEAUTIFUL DRAWRINGS

TO APPEASE MY FANS

When I landed in Vancouver, it was sunny and warm. I promptly contacted all my snow-bound loved ones and gloated.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine!

You make me ha-ppy when the people that i love are freezing their assets off...


Five minutes later the heavens opened up. It started to rain. The flood waters rose. And, not owning any rain gear, I found myself in a constant and unfortunate state of wetness.

Where is my sunshine, my only sunshine?

Will this de-luge of rain ne-ver end?!


I sought refuge indoors. And made plans to redecorate my office space.

Dear Hewlett Packard,
Please stop making computers.
Sincerely,
G. Mango.


Hopelessly confined to the indoors, my only joy (and human contact) came when the UPS man brought me my personal computer.

Hooray for human interaction and computers with more than 16 megs of ram!


So bored was I with my internetless computer great was my joy, that I rushed out to buy proper rain attire so I could continue to interact with genuine West Coasters.

Bring. It. On.

FIN

~ if g. mango knew picasso, she would buy herself a gray guitar and play

The great eskate

I've been so stressed these past few days. Who knew packing up and deserting your family, friends, and livelihood would cause such pressure in an innocent mango's life?

And who knew that it would cause an innocent mango to write the previous sentence that is oh so rife with blatant lies content flaws.

'Cause really, you can't call what I'm doing deserting. And you definitely cannot call this thing that I'm doing at l'hôpital a livelihood. And also, you knew. You knew all along that I would be stressed out of my mango mind. And still you didn't tell me! I think this is grounds for disownment. But as I also knew all along and failed to mention it to myself, and thus would have to disown myself as well, I will instead pledge my undying love to you, and present the following drawring.

If ever you are stressed, remember: skating in the parking lot at work really does make you look like a Grade A goofball a lot less stressed out.



I am better than Sale and Pelletier combined!

~g. mango: skating her way to the gold since January 2005