Bite back

FROM THE DESK OF GREEN MANGO

Dear Arachnids and unknown biting creatures who share my apartment,

It has been very nice getting to know you over the past two months. Thank you for staying largely out of sight during the day light and evening hours. You don't know how much I appreciate the sacrifice on your part.

If I have any misgivings or complaints, believe me, they are the exception and not the norm. However, I would like to bring to your attention the basic scientific concept known fondly in the human world as "The Food Chain". The capitalization there is for effect, not because we English-speaking beings capitalize things at random. Without going too deep into it, let me explain that you are much further down on the food chain than, say, a goat or a ferret, or a human being. Please don't be insulted, this is not an attack on your personal character, merely a statement of fact. There are many creatures further down on this veritable chain of foods.

And that is where my problem begins. You, friend, are supposed to eat things lower down on the food chain than you. And I, being much higher on the food chain should be left out of your feeding rituals. But on occasion, I awake from a peaceful night's sleep to find myself snacked on, tasted, and chewed.

So please return the kindness I show you by not biting you, and quit biting me. Seriously, cut it out. Or I will kill you and all your children. I will show no mercy. 'Cause I am swollen and itchy and you can never trust a bulging, angry fruit.


Sincerely,

G. Mango