Reasons not to date me

• When walking, I cross the street multiple times to ensure that I am always on the sunny side. I do not care how inconvenient it is, or if it means that I will be late to whatever meeting or event I am headed to.

• I will find a way to be late to whatever meeting or event I am going to anyway.

• There is often a sock collection at the bottom of my bed between the fitted sheet and the top sheet due to my inability to fall asleep without socks on, the magical sock fairies who remove my socks at night without my knowledge, and my frantic morning routine which does not afford me the luxury of the time to de-sock my bed before work.

• I like brownies. But not chocolate cake. And I like hot chocolate. But certainly not chocolate bars.

• As a child I fought tirelessly with my sister over which of us would be the one to play this song at her wedding.

• I have since deferred my claim to the above,¹ and now have called dibs on Somebody's Getting Married ² from The Muppets Take Manhattan and Burl Ives' version of Froggy Went a Courtin'.³

• I am serious about that last bullet point.
  

~g. mango went down to miss mousie's house mmhmm


1. But I still know all the words!
2. I figure I have enough friends who would sing and dance in the ensemble if given enough practice time or alcohol.
3. I have picked two frog-related songs to express my truest devotion. Wonder what Freud would say about that?