Reasons not to date me

• I think scrambled eggs are legitimate dinner fare.

• I am certifiably bilingual, and yet still hesitant to speak French within earshot of a francophone.*
  

• I am unable to resist manhandling the produce at the each of countless markets on my walk home from the train station.

• Inexplicably and without trying to, I will remember the make and model of the car you drive before I know you well enough to warrant such a thing.
  

• I do not own a bike helmet.

• I do not own a bike.

• I wouldn't wear a helmet anyway.

• I fantasize about shooting relocating the birds that sing cheerily outside my window at 4 am every morning.

• Despite being intimate with unemployment, I never seem to qualify for employment insurance.

• Despite having been a child when their best work came out, my most recent music downloads include songs by Naughty by Nature, Young MC, and Skee-Lo.

• I'm down with OPP.

• I wish I was a little bit taller.

• I wish I was a baller.

• I wish I could sing that song without thinking about how someone should have introduced Skee-Lo to the subjunctive tense.
  

~g. mango souhaite qu'elle ait pu se souvenir comment parler francais (et aussi ou se trouver les accents sur le clavier)*
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* You can see why i am so terrified to speak French; I don't even know if that sentence makes sense. Yeesh.