Reasons not to date me

• My self-worth is directly connected to the number of comments I receive on my blog.

• I am not nearly as funny in real life as my writing would lead you to believe.

• I get my best ideas for writing from reading Craigslist or daydreaming in the shower.

• Combine my daydreaming and my shoddy short-term memory, and it means I often forget which parts of me I've soaped up, prompting me to soap-up multiple times when I bathe.*

• I use bathe (v) and shower (v) interchangeably.

• This is the first time in four years, and only the second time in my life, that I have had to work a five-day work week. Even including all those times when I had two jobs.

• I am exhausted.

~g. man. . . zzzzzz

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*The good thing about multiple soaps is that I'm extra clean. The bad thing is that I use enough water to power a small city in my twenty-minute shower every morning. Representatives from Greenpeace have threatened to come to my apartment and chain themselves to my shower-head. But even that won't dissuade me from my long showers. They'll have to pry the soap shrapnel from my cold, wet hands!