You can't hire me, I quit!

Today was my last day at work in hospital alley. Let's all pause for a moment of raucous revelry.

By this time next week I will have officially given up my Torontonian citizenship. Not because I want to. But because they make Torontonians do that when we become residents of any Canadian city, town, or village outside of the Greater Toronto Area . Of course, this forced forfeiture of citizenship is not required if Torontonians move to any one of the suburbs that litter the outskirts of the centre of the universe this great city of ours. Because suburbanites like to pretend they are from Toronto anyway. Evidently, they have not been informed that Whitby is not Toronto, and as Whitbians (Whitbanese? Whitbites?) they are essentially lying to themselves and others when they say they live in Toronto. But we Torontonians still love those adorable little suburbanites. It's so cute when your colonies try to imitate you.

Apparently, Torontonians have wronged every single person who does not have the privilege of having been swallowed up in the spreading expanse that is the Greater Toronto Area. I have been informed by many non-Torontonians that we are pompous, superficial egomaniacs. I think they are just jealous haters.

And that, they tell me, is precisely why I have to give up my Toronto citizenship posthaste.

In any other situation I would defend my dear Tdot to the near death, and cling to my Torontohood and pompous, superficial egomania with all my strength. After all, Toronto is the capital of the world and the source of all that's good.

But Vancouver is offering me 15 degree weather in February. I think I'm willing to make the sacrifice.

~g. mango solemnly swears to pretend to hate Toronto for ever and ever. amen.